A Message to the Desperate Wife

(Copyright 2006) by Germaine Copeland (Smyrna, Georgia)
If you are a desperate wife ready for change (or if you know someone who is in an abusive situation), this message is for you. Be assured that you are not alone. You have many sisters from different walks of life who suffer along with you, often in silence. God hates the abuse of His women whether it is mental, emotional, or physical. Always, remember God loves you and so do I. Frequently, a desperate wife contacts our ministry asking us to pray that God will fix her husband. The husband may have an addiction, may be living with another woman; he may be abusing her and the children, or participating in illegal activities. The list of possibilities is long. Usually, the wife wants us to pray that God will make her husband change. God doesn’t make anyone do anything. He provides everyone with opportunities to change, but God allows each person (husband and wife) the freedom to choose right or wrong, blessings or cursing’s. Your mate got where he is today because of his choices. As difficult as it may be to admit, you are where you are today because of your choices. If you will allow me to be your mentor during the reading of this message, I will share with you how to apply godly principles that will enable you to lay aside the victim mentality, and help you renew your mind to God’s view of who you are – a woman of valor, influence, and great courage. God has sent His Holy Spirit to be your Counselor, Helper, Advocate, and Intercessor, and He has given you the power to arise from the weariness and hopelessness of circumstances that attempt to ensnare you. You may be the desperate wife who is waiting on God to do something; God is waiting on you. Religion would have us believe that divorce is the unforgivable sin, but we know that isn’t true. There was a time when I always discouraged divorce, but that changed after I saw someone very close to me literally wasting away. After seven years of marriage, this desperate wife who is a daughter of the Most High God looked like the walking dead. I didn’t know her situation, but I knew that she needed deliverance. My heart began to cry out to God asking Him to surround her with songs of deliverance. The day came when this beaten down woman asked to talk with me. She shared that she had given her husband an ultimatum: either go to marriage counseling and give up his addiction to pornography or move out. She could no longer live with the disrespect and degradation – the mental and emotional abuse. The confrontation was a scary thing for her, but the Holy Spirit was faithful to give her counsel, help and strength; the courage to rise to the standard of righteousness. Her husband chose to leave, but God went before her and prepared the way. After a period of resolving some of her personal issues, she met and married a Christian man who loves God. (She committed her ex-husband into the keeping and care of God.) Her testimony is one of many that we receive proclaiming the goodness of God. All testimonies are not the same. A few years ago, one woman shared how God revealed His love for her, and she wanted more than anything to obey Him. One day while praying about her marriage she felt led to stay put even though she was in an abusive situation. God gave her the grace to withstand her husband’s next two half-hearted attempts of abuse without railing against him (a big change for her). In a short time, this man repented with tears and confessed Jesus as His Lord. His repentance was for real, and he became a loving husband. (This wife’s behavior changed so drastically that her husband wanted to know what had happened to her. When she shared with him, he wanted to surrender his life to her God who changes those things we can’t change.) Isn’t this what every woman who lives with abuse desires? Yes, but it doesn’t always end this way! Another woman shared with us that God told her to leave, and he prepared the way of her escape even providing income and a home for her. She never divorced her husband, but because of her stand for righteousness, he came to know the Lord not long before he died. The key features of these testimonies were the same. These women obeyed God by walking in love and maintaining a humble spirit. I urge all women in difficult circumstances to let go of the victim mentality, denounce self-pity, and reject feelings of powerlessness; embrace the God-given power to choose. God has sent the Holy Spirit to guide you and give you the strength and courage to obey Him. You will be given the wisdom and experience, the power to make choices that bring honor and glory to God. Steps to Finding the Will of God for your Marriage First: Seek Righteousness In spite of adversity, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right). There are many prayers in Prayers That Avail Much that will help you stay focused on God’s will, purpose and plan for your life. In First Samuel 25 we read about a wise woman named Abigail. She was the wife of a wealthy man who was not only ungodly but also despicable. Even when he chose to do the wrong thing, she did what was right. She did not stoop to the level of her circumstances, and she was later blessed for her righteousness. F.B. Meyer writes in his commentary, “Do not step down to the level of your circumstances but lift them to your own high calling in Christ.” (Taken from AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Copyright©1954, 1958, 1962, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission.) “Give me understanding and I will obey Your instructions; I will put them into practice with all my heart.” Psalm 119:34 NLT Second: Seek God’s Perspective Purpose to see beyond the present circumstances. It is important to remember that circumstances are always temporal and subject to change, yet that which is eternal will never change. For my thoughts are not Your thoughts, neither are Your ways my ways, saith the Lord. Isaiah 55:8 KJV Follow the Lord daily, and he will direct your path. Joshua and the Hebrew army didn’t see any sense to God’s instructions to march around the city day after day, yet they trusted in God’s perspective. Their obedience led to deliverance. The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way? Proverbs 20:24 NLT Third: Seek to Renew Your Mind Let go of obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior in order to avoid spiritual shipwreck! Negative thoughts lead to discouragement and despair. They make situations worse. Disappointments don’t have to lead to despondency. I lie in the dust; revive me by Your word. Psalm 119:25 NLT The author of Psalm 119 knew of disappointments, but he also knew of the power of God’s word. When you meditate on the word of God, you become more like Him. You will find yourself thinking positive, hopeful thoughts. God will release His great power and do great things for you. As you fill your mind with God’s words, you will notice that the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) begins to manifest in your actions. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2a NKJV Fourth: Seek Peace A born-again spouse must hold up a pattern of right behavior in an unfortunate marriage. This may mean that a wife will have to give an ultimatum while trusting God with the outcome, in order to keep her in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. The Scriptures tell us that if an unbelieving spouse desires to leave, let him/her go. But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP God has called you to peace! God Himself is your exceeding great joy. He has promised that you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace. A wife needs to remember that she is not her husband’s savior! There is only one Savior, and His name is Jesus! Therefore, if God be for you, who can be against you? His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7b NLT Are you ready to do things God’s way or would you rather continue as you are? You cannot change your situation unless you change the way you do things. Someone once said that if you keep doing the same thing over and over, you will get the same results over and over. I am praying for you that your faith will not fail. And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate]. Malachi 2:15-16 AMP —————————————————————————————————- Reprinted with permission from: God’s Word to Women http://www.godswordtowomen.org/ —————————————————————————————————-

If you are a desperate wife ready for change (or if you know someone who is in an abusive situation), this message is for you. Be assured that you are not alone. You have many sisters from different walks of life who suffer along with you, often in silence. God hates the abuse of His women whether it is mental, emotional, or physical. Always, remember God loves you and so do I.

Frequently, a desperate wife contacts our ministry asking us to pray that God will fix her husband. The husband may have an addiction, may be living with another woman; he may be abusing her and the children, or participating in illegal activities. The list of possibilities is long. Usually, the wife wants us to pray that God will make her husband change.

God doesn’t make anyone do anything. He provides everyone with opportunities to change, but God allows each person (husband and wife) the freedom to choose right or wrong, blessings or cursing’s. Your mate got where he is today because of his choices. As difficult as it may be to admit, you are where you are today because of your choices.

If you will allow me to be your mentor during the reading of this message, I will share with you how to apply godly principles that will enable you to lay aside the victim mentality, and help you renew your mind to God’s view of who you are – a woman of valor, influence, and great courage. God has sent His Holy Spirit to be your Counselor, Helper, Advocate, and Intercessor, and He has given you the power to arise from the weariness and hopelessness of circumstances that attempt to ensnare you. You may be the desperate wife who is waiting on God to do something; God is waiting on you.

Religion would have us believe that divorce is the unforgivable sin, but we know that isn’t true. There was a time when I always discouraged divorce, but that changed after I saw someone very close to me literally wasting away. After seven years of marriage, this desperate wife who is a daughter of the Most High God looked like the walking dead. I didn’t know her situation, but I knew that she needed deliverance. My heart began to cry out to God asking Him to surround her with songs of deliverance.

The day came when this beaten down woman asked to talk with me. She shared that she had given her husband an ultimatum: either go to marriage counseling and give up his addiction to pornography or move out. She could no longer live with the disrespect and degradation – the mental and emotional abuse. The confrontation was a scary thing for her, but the Holy Spirit was faithful to give her counsel, help and strength; the courage to rise to the standard of righteousness. Her husband chose to leave, but God went before her and prepared the way. After a period of resolving some of her personal issues, she met and married a Christian man who loves God. (She committed her ex-husband into the keeping and care of God.) Her testimony is one of many that we receive proclaiming the goodness of God.

All testimonies are not the same. A few years ago, one woman shared how God revealed His love for her, and she wanted more than anything to obey Him. One day while praying about her marriage she felt led to stay put even though she was in an abusive situation. God gave her the grace to withstand her husband’s next two half-hearted attempts of abuse without railing against him (a big change for her). In a short time, this man repented with tears and confessed Jesus as His Lord. His repentance was for real, and he became a loving husband. (This wife’s behavior changed so drastically that her husband wanted to know what had happened to her. When she shared with him, he wanted to surrender his life to her God who changes those things we can’t change.) Isn’t this what every woman who lives with abuse desires? Yes, but it doesn’t always end this way!

Another woman shared with us that God told her to leave, and he prepared the way of her escape even providing income and a home for her. She never divorced her husband, but because of her stand for righteousness, he came to know the Lord not long before he died. The key features of these testimonies were the same. These women obeyed God by walking in love and maintaining a humble spirit.

I urge all women in difficult circumstances to let go of the victim mentality, denounce self-pity, and reject feelings of powerlessness; embrace the God-given power to choose. God has sent the Holy Spirit to guide you and give you the strength and courage to obey Him. You will be given the wisdom and experience, the power to make choices that bring honor and glory to God.

Steps to Finding the Will of God for your Marriage
First: Seek Righteousness
In spite of adversity, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right). There are many prayers in Prayers That Avail Much that will help you stay focused on God’s will, purpose and plan for your life.

In First Samuel 25 we read about a wise woman named Abigail. She was the wife of a wealthy man who was not only ungodly but also despicable. Even when he chose to do the wrong thing, she did what was right. She did not stoop to the level of her circumstances, and she was later blessed for her righteousness. F.B. Meyer writes in his commentary, “Do not step down to the level of your circumstances but lift them to your own high calling in Christ.” (Taken from AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Copyright©1954, 1958, 1962, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission.)

“Give me understanding and I will obey Your instructions; I will put them into practice with all my heart.” Psalm 119:34 NLT

Second: Seek God’s Perspective
Purpose to see beyond the present circumstances. It is important to remember that circumstances are always temporal and subject to change, yet that which is eternal will never change.

For my thoughts are not Your thoughts, neither are Your ways my ways, saith the Lord.   Isaiah 55:8 KJV

Follow the Lord daily, and he will direct your path. Joshua and the Hebrew army didn’t see any sense to God’s instructions to march around the city day after day, yet they trusted in God’s perspective. Their obedience led to deliverance.

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?   Proverbs 20:24 NLT

Third: Seek to Renew Your Mind
Let go of obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior in order to avoid spiritual shipwreck! Negative thoughts lead to discouragement and despair. They make situations worse. Disappointments don’t have to lead to despondency.

I lie in the dust; revive me by Your word. Psalm 119:25 NLT

The author of Psalm 119 knew of disappointments, but he also knew of the power of God’s word. When you meditate on the word of God, you become more like Him. You will find yourself thinking positive, hopeful thoughts. God will release His great power and do great things for you. As you fill your mind with God’s words, you will notice that the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) begins to manifest in your actions.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.   Romans 12:2a NKJV

Fourth: Seek Peace
A born-again spouse must hold up a pattern of right behavior in an unfortunate marriage. This may mean that a wife will have to give an ultimatum while trusting God with the outcome, in order to keep her in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. The Scriptures tell us that if an unbelieving spouse desires to leave, let him/her go.

But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15 AMP

God has called you to peace! God Himself is your exceeding great joy. He has promised that you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace.

A wife needs to remember that she is not her husband’s savior! There is only one Savior, and His name is Jesus! Therefore, if God be for you, who can be against you?

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7b NLT

Are you ready to do things God’s way or would you rather continue as you are? You cannot change your situation unless you change the way you do things. Someone once said that if you keep doing the same thing over and over, you will get the same results over and over.

I am praying for you that your faith will not fail.

And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate]. Malachi 2:15-16 AMP

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Reprinted with permission from: God’s Word to Women
http://www.godswordtowomen.org/
—————————————————————————————————-

Iron Sharpening Iron In regard to: A Message to the Desperate Wife Article by Germaine Copeland Comments by Laura Lee (Bismarck, North Dakota)
In this article the term “born-again” is used. No one is “born-again” until they are changed from human (flesh and blood) into a spirit being.